Getting to know yourself

There is so much to learn when getting to know yourself. There are so many facets to you as an individual. For example you primarily operate in a certain temperament, you are wired according to your redemptive gift, you have spiritual gifts, you have love languages that fills your love tank and so much more.

If you have been following my blogs for sometime, you would know that I have started a JOURNEY OF SELF DISCOVERY a while back. This process has been both very beautiful and extremely emotional. I have gone through the most intense emotional rollercoasters I could have gone through over the last few weeks. I find that the more I dig into myself, the more I become afraid of what I might find there and I question whether or not I am capable of handling the intensity of who I am as an individual.

I have also come to this realisation that if one lacks to understand oneself and others, then everything will be a mess and many people will end up hurt in the process. No wonder Jesus said in His Word that we ought to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. It is a very important part in loving others - this is to love ourselves first.

I would really like to take this time to testify about God's goodness to me in the last few days. I had attended a casting to model for a big company name in the week. After a day my agency emailed a response to me saying that I got the job. 

The whole process was such a blessing. I had met new people (which I thoroughly enjoy) and I had experienced the model journey for the second time so far. It was so much fun. However, during this whole process of being part of 5 leading roles for this company, I had experienced some old familiar feelings of insecurity and comparison to other people spring up again. This time was different. Due to the fact that I had been on this journey of self discovery for sometime now, I had seen how much these torments had fallen thin to the ground because I know myself much better than I used to know myself a few years ago.

Today, I had walked out of the building where the base of our shoots took place knowing that I was enough, I did my best and that there is really only ONE of me. Maybe I should just repeat that phrase, there is only ONE of me. Hahahaha.

Steffany Gretzinger said this thing in one of Bethel Church's latest videos released on Facebook, that Jesus had spoken to her recently saying: "Steffany, there will always be someone better than you. Someone who will sing better, look better etc. But there is only ONE of YOU." 

This is such a beautiful statement the Lord makes to Steffany. He says the very thing that breaks pride, but lifts up the soul of the very creation He loves. 

This is the beauty of it all. We are not higher than any one, but we are also not like everyone. Yes, you will find people who look like you, speak like you and maybe is like you. But there is only ONE of you. 

I have fought myself for a very long time when it comes to physical affection (which is my primary love language). It has not been understood by society why certain men could be physically affectionate with women they might not necessarily like in an attractive way, and neither has it been understood why men could be physically affectionate with other men without looking or being a bit off. I have a question posed to society, who made the stupid rules? Why should those who have primary love languages withold their way of showing or receiving love according to the way they are wired? 

Fighting this battle of what society wants me to be since my childhood up until a few days ago has both killed parts of me over and over and has made me frustrated in many ways. I say a few days ago because I literally only accepted myself fully a few days ago - when it comes to embracing the very real part of me that craves physical affection. Like my body really craves physical affection. Yes, there are boundaries and limitations with how to demonstrate love and we cannot get things twisted. But at the same time, some of us are driven to receive physical affection everyday and to others it might be the receiving of gifts and to some the words of affirmation.

God had used a mighty woman of God to share His heart with me about what He was going to do in my life this year. What stood out for me as I read back about what she prophesied over my life was the fact that God was going to give me identity, and He is doing exactly that very thing. Identity is something we need God to install in us so that we will not be moved by the doubt if who we truly are.

We are all wired differently, brought up differently and embrace life and people differently. It is time for us to learn to embrace and love ourselves first, and then learn to love and embrace other people. 

The still shots and GIFS of my shoot will be up shortly. Like my Facebook page to see what I got up to over the last few days during this shoot and who I modelled for. 

Facebook page: Rowyn Coetzee