Find rest my soul

Have you ever felt so determined that you felt so tired of being determined and just felt like giving up and throwing in the towel? In all these words this is how I feel right now.

Yes, don't go ahead and judge me, because the reason why I blog is to speak the truth that is deep in my heart that cannot come out by my mouth. How does one carry so much weight and think it's going to be okay? At some point you give in and you crack because of the heaviness you carry. I am surrounded with people who needs more, more out of their situations and more light in the never-ending darkness they face. It is almost like a cycle of subconscious depression we face because we are restricted from living out our passions and being forced into certain positions because of circumstances and trials.

I read a post a friend of mine shared on Facebook a few minutes ago. I just scrolled quickly through my friend's wall and she reposted an article about a lady's tattoo she had tattooed on her body which said "I'm fine" and if you read it from an opposite angle then it says "Save me". I think that is how we feel most times, we say we are fine but in actual fact there is a voice deep down inside of us screaming save me!!

Yes life is hard and tough, but have you walked in my shoes lately? It's like life just flashes by before your eyes. All your mistakes, all your faults, all your broken relationships; yet in the midst of all of this you are trying to build a career for yourself, trying to work till financial freedom and getting yourself out of a place of stagnation. Back and forth, it is like we are swinging back and forth to the beat and melody of pain and heartache. Of course there is more to this life we are living, but we also need to live in the life we are living in. We still need to get from point A to Z, I don't want to be dragged from point A and left at point G, if you get what I mean.

So we have supper. We go to the beach. Some people cut. Some people have sex, anything to get the pain and burden to feel somewhat lighter. However, all these can leave you with so many scarring.

In the bible (Matthew 11:28 - 30) Jesus says that all who labour and are heavy laden should go to Him and He will give us rest. Then He goes on to say that we should take His yoke and learn from Him, for He is gentle and lowly in heart and we will find rest for our souls. For His yoke is easy and His burden is light. You see Jesus knew we would have to face certain mountains and carry heavy things upon our shoulders, but He said He will give us rest if we come to Him. None of my past lovers could console me like He would. He has no motive, no reason to first figure out if I am deserving of His rest or not, but if I were to show up in front of Him, He would not sneer or frown at me but He would open up His arms wide for me to fall into. This is who He is.

So I pray that all of us who are feeling like we are facing some really tough times, that we would really go to Him and find peace in Him because He does not fail. It is not in His nature. It never was.

Shalom.

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