Getting to know who I am

I was always made fun of when I was younger, because I wasn't like the other coloured guys you know. I was sweet, fun and friends with anyone and everyone. I didn't talk like everyone else with slang and I didn't speak a word of Afrikaans because I grew up in an English home. It's actually interesting if I remember now, I had an accent growing up because I grew up amongst white people and I was pretty much in my own space most of the time and with family.

Later in my life we moved from one coloured area to another. It hurt you know. The kids were nasty in Primary School because they knew I was different and because of my personality I found it safer to hang out with girls ALL the time. I didn't have a boy-friend till age 20-21. Girls were much safer to be friends with, but the boys didn't like this idea. So I started attracting attention and kids started calling me names. They said I was a "moffie" and gay. They made fun of the way I spoke and the way I walked. The boys touched me in the most inappropriate way ever and they found pleasure in it. One day at our Grade 7 class party, a boy grabbed me and performed an act like he was having sex with me in front of the class. It was a cold time in my life, the insecurities were growing.

It did get better in high school surprisingly, even though the bullying continued. I didn't realise I was in a cage that held me bondage, it suffocated me. To tell you the truth, I only used the toilets twice or thrice in my whole high school phase because I was cautious that something would happen to me there. Some people might say that I should have stood up for myself and put my foot down, but it was hard you know, I was only a teenager trying to figure out who I was. I thank God He sent friends my way to stand up for me when I couldn't.  They were there.

I went to many deliverance camps and what not. I must say I let go of many things that held me captive and even that process was not easy at all. But there are only certain things you learn as you grow older. I can truly say I am getting to know myself now. This is because of wonderful friends who push and drive me to be myself. Friends such as Chester and Whitney Philander, Jeremy Faro, Josh Biegnaar, Lauren Snyders, Melanie Erasmus and Miacarla Johns. You guys won't understand how you have helped me, unknowingly, to get out of the cage of self-captivity. I have to give you guys honour today. It was simply you guys being yourself and being honest with what you did like and didn't like.

A year or two ago I would have said I want to be like you guys, but I don't. I want to be myself and I know you would be all for that.

I am on this self discovery. From much abuse I am breaking out through the last of my chains. I know God is at the foundation of this process and if I stay close to Him I will be okay, because there is One stronger than me who has my hands.

Lauren Snyders your show, The Wedding Dress, inspired this blogpost today. Last night a guy friend of mine, who I love to death, hugged me thrice and really tight. Lol I thought to myself I like this! I just didn't care what anyone else thought. I love physical affection and it is a part of who I am. I really only made peace with that very pivotal part of who I am last night. So I raise my glass and I say, it is okay to be you! Flaws and all, let the world hear your voice!