Without Your Presence I am nothing

I write this blog as an account for my own history and reflection.

Right now in my life, I am in the most confusing season I have ever been in in my life. It has come on for so long, I don't even remember where it started. It probably started in disobedience as all confusion does. Many people might not think this is true, but I feel spiritually dead and empty. I do feel the Lord when I lead worship yes and when I speak as if He is speaking, but I don't feel Him in the secret place. And I would rather want Him in the secret chambers where He meets than only on a stage or in a prophetic word or revelation.

So tonight I am listening to a harp and bowl session that I recorded in the All Nations House Of Prayer in Johannesburg and I come alive. I just hear how the Lord's voice was so clear and precious, how graced that ministry is to hear the mind and heart of the Father. I continued to listen to the harp and bowl session, as it was the only thing speaking to my spirit besides the Word. I listened as a prophetic word went over my life and I just come alive. The promises and the place the Father said I am going into, but somewhere I know I missed the mark. Now I understand as the Lord speaks to me again. I am reminded of how Moses said he wouldn't go if He didn't go with. It is a crucial part of our walk, to always have Him with us, to always have His approval and word of direction.

Now I am not saying that I am returning to Johannesburg or go anywhere else, so don't be concerned. I just pray that if I do get sent or directed the Lord must speak clearly to all those involved in my life, and it must be clear. In the house of prayer I come alive and I die to who I am. Then again, I cannot be in any place, even if it is a house of prayer, but the place He sends me.

For a while I felt like working in ministry would not be for me, but He reassures me deeply that I will be found in that place. I want to be a forerunner in this time and I want to be a trailblazer for the Kingdom of Light. So it might take 5 years or 5 days, I pray God gives me clear insight on what He requires of my life and may His Name alone be exalted. May the Lord not give me rest until He has lead me into the perfect will of Him.

There is no plan. Only His. So I find myself in His Word and in a place of seeking Him for direction and clarity. I am not here to please any man or woman, but to do the will of Father God. All I want is to be in His perfect will. Let His kingdom come and His will be done in my life!

Amen.