Until the passing of Dr. Danie Slabbert a few months ago and the passing of a brother and friend Ashwyn Johannes a few weeks ago, I had not understood the feeling as I did when these people left. Now Lauren and I bother being yellow people (People orientated) and both of us having the primary love language of physical touch and secondary love language quality time, this process takes such a hard force on our hearts and we cannot deal with the emptiness we feel once these people are no longer there. It can feel like a hard break up from a girlfriend or boyfriend we really loved.
Currently my grand mother is in hospital for quite some time now and my grandfather is kind of hinting the passing of her to not be too long from now. She has been sick for 9 years plus and God has been gracious to her until this day. What people doesn't know about me is that my grandparents were the ones who basically raised me. My mother married a gangster at the time and boom there I was, straight out of the womb. My dad was very violent which was so normal for the lifestyle he was living in, so I spent most of my days at grandpa and grandma's place in Wynberg, Cape Town. I remember the house being warm, family orientated but also very scary spiritually. Anyway, I grew up knowing my grandfather to be the more sweeter one who always took me to the tuck shop for nice treats and we spent lots of time in the garden, and my grandmother was the more strict adult of the two who wasn't afraid to scold at you if you were in the wrong. That is pretty much all I remember about her and then as I grew up I didn't get to see them much. After that everything in my life was unstable when it came to the family unit and a roof over our heads.
My grandfather is truly in love with my grandmother, even up until this day. He never wanted to let go, even in sickness and health. So now it might come to the end of the road for them and they will part eventually. I cannot fathom the fact that in all this natural life, this supernatural process has to take place for us to step into the realm of no time. It is painful and surely heart breaking. How does one cope in your mind once you have loved a human dearly? The power of emotions are underestimated.
With all this typed, I wonder a lot about my own death these days. Surely I don't know when the Father will allow me to leave the earth, but I ask myself relevant questions like, what will those who are left behind feel? Can I then say that I was open to all and I wasn't afraid to love my neighbour? Would I be able to say that I walked blameless before God and before man? Will I have an answer if He should ask me what have I learned for the years He graced me with on the earth? Have I made an impact? Have I lived out destiny given by the Father Himself?
Life is a journey and it is a gift. The Word says we are like the flower in the field. Today we are here, tomorrow we are gone. Life is but just a vapour. I cannot handle this thought because it brings so much emotion to life, emotion I cannot process. It boggles my mind to think that we will all die, if not, some of us would be witnessing the coming of Jesus on the clouds. Either way, it is still so spiritual.
So death is unexpected and often times to us it seems so unfair, but I pray and ask the father to teach us to be eternally focused, even though we might face physical death on the earth. That there is a cloud of witnesses cheering us on to complete the race and complete it well. It is all just a passing on. Help us to deal with death in a way that we will be okay Father, even through all the emotion, make us strong. Not emotionless, but strong.
In death, in life I'm confident and covered by the power of His great love!
Shalom.
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