I don't deal with death in a good way. I always seem to be okay and seem like I have no emotion, but it is not like that. In my mind I am trying to process and while that is happening I start pondering over and over and over again.
I remember in younger church days, when I was about 15 or 16, I began leading worship in youth and then teen ministry. Then I started leading in church. At some point I found myself doing something in ministry I hated and I was so frustrated. A year later, your wife Tania Johannes, she was head worship leader of the Steenberg branch of our church, she fought for me to be on the team and I was released to go to the Steenberg branch. You were on the keyboard, Chad Erasmus was on the drums, Celeste Jacobs on backup and Tania Adams (at the time) was leading. I finally got the opportunity to lead in a church service in Steenberg and boy did I explode! I brought down the house because I mean I was deprived for so long. I remember how you and T supported me. You were one of the first people to witness my passion so strong in worship and I am grateful I could share a moment like that with you. There were times when I would come with a line up 7.30am on a Sunday morning and you would try and play it for me. I always had new ideas but you never refused to support me. I also remember how one Sunday morning I sang you a song or two of Kari Jobe, which you didn't know at all, but in a matter of minutes of me singing it over and over you would get the chords.
Ashwyn Johannes you were the perfect example of what a man should be like. You were the example of what a father should be like. You were genuine, so free, so humble, such a leader, so amazing, such an amazing worship leader and such a beautiful voice! You were the perfect brother to us who were younger than you. There was just something special in your heart that could not be explained. Time moved on and we all went our separate paths.
I did not spend much time with you but I remember you always had a smile on your face. You were always glad to see me when you did. Like the last time I saw you on the train. The train was packed and you talked away. Then I got to see you worship alongside your wife at RWC church when our late doctor Danie Slabbert preached there. I couldn't wait to see you and Tania on stage during worship. You were always such good role models to me.
I hope Dr. Danie Slabbert is keeping you good company in heaven until we get there or until you guys fetch us, either or. Truth is, I am really heart broken. I just ponder. It plays over and over in my head. I wonder about Tania a lot. I just pray that Father keeps her in this time and that He preserves her. I pray Father would keep her warm at night and make sure that she knows He is there.
We are all going to miss you. Even though I did not see you as often, I knew you were one of those people in my life who made an impact. I hope you are proud that I can play a little piano like you now? ♡
To you a role model and an older brother.
Love you Ash, from Rowy.
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