FLYLEAF

Flyleaf

Noun: a blank page at the beginning or end of a book. 

Growing up I wanted to become a lot of things. A forensic scientist, then a journalist. In my 20s I started learning more about the beauty of a human being and this then led me to have an interest in psychology. 

However, throughout this whole process I started to love the church. Straight after high school I had then done a month or two in "full time ministry" with a ministry who was super unorthodoxed for young people. Soon after, through this ministry, I had an opportunity to volunteer facilitating a Christian School camp! This was so fun, so fun that I got offered to work as a volunteer for this school, of which I then later worked for 5 years. It was a Christian environment and it was pretty much sheltered. 

The desire to be in full time ministry started growing again. Dramatically, I then got to work for my local church as a youth worker and administrator. I had started a movement which ran with a team of young people who volunteered teaching kids Life Skills in two Primary Schools in Cape Town. I really learned a lot from where this generation finds themselves through this movement. 

Being 25, a young adult, extroverted and loving new things, I became slowly frustrated with where I was at and where I was going in life. It is great to work for Jesus, serving the church, however, I started thinking about whether or not Jesus said to me that this is what He wants for me now. It was also during this time period that every time I got to see this particular friend of mine he would share his concerns with me about my future and I would just brush off these suggestions, but these suggestions cultivated challenging thoughts to pass through my mind. Soon after, my family had been at the brink of a terrible season, this really motivating me to leave being in full time ministry and go and get a job. 

So lets rewind to when I was a young boy. There was a time when I strongly had a desire to open up a restaurant. I remember that I designed everything on paper. So much details that I even knew what tiles I wanted in this restaurant. Growing up this dream was very much tucked away in the despair of struggle and impossibility. One great factor was that being a CREATIVE didn't fit the picture of business. 

Now I believe, everything changed! My perspective changed about a lot of things in life. I applied for a job, and through God's favour I got a job in the corporate world. I am still stunned at how God opened doors in front of me. This news was wonderful to me! 

I had a few confirmations over a period of years about this decision and this move made sense to my heart. As I have been sharing this move with a few people who didn't know my plans, they would twitch before saying congratulations! Lol! Some are probably thinking why is he a creative going into corporate? Why is he sitting at a desk? Well, not many people knew the deep dreams I had before, because not even I have taken those dreams seriously, because it seemed impossible. Now I find myself in a place of growth within a career of endless possibilities. The atmosphere and people I am surrounded with make me feel like I am not sitting at a desk - which feels great! I really love my job and the colleagues are amazing! 

A few weeks ago, I was chatting to two of my mentors and close friends and they mentioned this, they said, "Maybe you are transforming?". I thought that this was maybe true. I loved what that would look like. 

This explains a lot as to why I have been so absent on social media and in the lives of my friends. So many things have been happening. In the music world, Numa Worship collective, is really taking off the ground now with what God is doing through the music we are birthing for Cape Town. I am so excited!! 

I have recently also got a tattoo!! Ahhhh! Let me just update you about everything, why not? 

I got this tattoo not because I now work in the market place. I got this tattoo because it tells the story of my life. A lot of things escalated quickly in my life over the past couple of weeks. I cracked emotionally because life was pushing me at every side. It was such an intense moment for me and my family. I was tired. I was angry. I was deeply saddened. It was hard for me to articulate what was happening in my head, everything was painful. 

I started pondering on the word: EXHALE. What does it mean to exhale? It means to intentionally let go of things kept in for so long. All the toxic air. All the brokenness and pain. To let go and breathe out. There was a period in my life where as a teenager I was ripped into a million pieces as to what happened to me. I then started carrying a blade with me and I would cut myself. Feeling the pain was helping make sense of the pain in my heart, strangely. This time I didn't cut, I wrote a story. 

Thing is, you can stand back and judge religiously at me having a tattoo now. But step into my shoes for the last 25 years and see what happens when I sleep alone at night, or when I walk alone in the dark. Wait, maybe step into my shoes when I cried and almost lost my insanity. Then maybe you can stand back and judge at the ink on my body. Maybe your judgement would be with tears and sorrow leaving you astounded. 

This is a new page for me. 

It is a new chapter. Not many will understand. But I do, and my Dad does too. He is very much still a part of this picture. 

Here is to Flyleaf! No more fear about the NEW things...