Lamentations

The sun had set, I had found myself in a train with a few people who were just going on with their lives. A few were mocking, some were only sitting in the space of stillness. A lady on my right had shut the world out with her music in her ears while a family opposite me had been enjoying each others company, laughing away their struggles. This scene was all too familiar with me. Growing up in pain and sorrow, I had always found myself looking from the outside in - even when I was part of a crowd. Something in my heart began to pain, some part of me had turned numb again as I gazed at the crowd.

This had reminded me of the scene from the movie called "The girl on the train", a very good, yet psychotic movie. The girl had lost herself in her thoughts and emotion because of the pain she had endured. More so, she had become her pain and her sorrow. People would stare and wonder while she found herself sipping on alcohol, yet no one could really help.

The word lament means:
To passionately express grief or sorrow, to weep or to complain. 

As I sat on the train like the girl in the movie, I had found myself in a place of my soul that I am weary of. If you know my life story and you had been part of most of my journey, you would understand that my life had spelled out sorrow. It was my life song, it was my story. I had battled so much so that at times I would self mutilate my body to help ease the pain on the inside.

Earlier this year a lady had received a word of knowledge while she was prophesying over my life, she had said that she sees that I had been through so much so that the tendencies in my heart had bursted, however the Father was going to restore that. From that point up until now, it has been a very tough journey for me as the Father had led me through so much in order for my soul to be healed.

I had lamented many times over my life. I do know that God is sovereign and He is able to do something our minds cannot fully comprehend, however some hurt and memories spring up every now and again in the most fragile spaces of the journey. In these moments I find myself grateful for what God has done and family I am surrounded with even though my heart screams, "I wish everything was perfect". I had told my Abba Father that, and I know that He does not rejoice in our sorrow. I know that He cares about what we care for, and He hurts when we hurt.

It has been long and hard for many of us who read this blog post. Some have been abused, misused and taken advantage of. Others have been rejected and neglected by those closest to them. However, through it all we need to understand that we are part of a story that is bigger than us. Yes, it is not God Abba Father's will for us to suffer, but He is turning it around for our favour. In the end we will all receive what we have lost and far more will come back to us than ever imagined.

I was in prayer this week, and the Lord had sang through me and told me this, that God the Lion of Judah will avenge His people. I was praying for Israel at this point, but I also feel that this was for us that is part of the spiritual Israel. God will avenge His people!

So even as you lament may you be found grateful in your weeping, because God has done so much behind the scenes - even when we are not aware. He says in His word that He is close to the broken hearted. This means that He cares greatly! He does not rejoice in your sorrow!

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