Growing up, I think this has been one of the most challenging things I had to deal with, especially in Primary School. In Primary school many kids are still trying to figure out what they love, what they hate, what makes them tick and what makes them come alive. Yet, it is in those crucial years of junior grades that the most damage is being done.
I remember if I would sit in a certain way, talk in a specific manner or walk a particular way (that was not like any other coloured child) I was immediately made fun of. Kids would say mean things like he must be gay, he is a bit weird. Hence these judgement from peers all around me, I had struggled to be myself in every situation at all times. Before even considering to respond to certain children in conversations I would consider over and over and think if they would be okay with my response.
This carried on into my young adult years and I had started attracting people who were themselves and totally fine with who they were flaws and all. Through this I started learning that being yourself and confident about it is totally amazing, but it was still a process to walk through.
Something amazing happened the other night that really touched my mind when it comes to the topic of confidence. I had attended one of my friend's birthday dinner parties and I was literally surrounded by people who were themselves and really loving who they were. I mean, the house was filled with people who were real, people who confident in their strengths and their flaws. I was so in awe. I literally felt like I was amazed by this experience that I ended up observing everyone more than being in the moment.
So, confidence is really not about being perfect in who you are or what you do, however, confidence is clearly knowing yourself and being comfortable about being who you are with no restrictions or considerations. With this said, being confident should ooze off our lives in every sense. It should be felt and not professed like those who are overly confident. I am sure we all know such people 😅. Yet, there are those who are really confident in their own right and people call these people arrogant or over confident. But like I said, confidence should not be professed but felt.
It is important for us all to understand, both young and old, that we are all different. We are all made up of an unique make-up. As much as you feel like you are like someone else, I urge you to take a look again. You will definitely see that you are nothing like the world has ever seen before. You can work on your weaknesses and flaws to some extend, but at some point we need to stop focussing on the things that makes us walk in short-comings but focus on the things that is precious and unique about ourselves. I am talking about the breaking out of the boxes that society has put us in. What a man should look like. What a woman should look like.
We have been considering too much of what men has to say, when we are supposed to be really focusing on who God says we are in Him. We should build our lives according to the boundaries He has set for us and not the boundaries of immature men. On the journey of growing in confidence I think that it is pivotal that we start learning about ourselves. In this we can play around with what we need to work on and what we need to let go of.
What are some of the signs of someone who is not confident?
I would say I can see if someone is not confident by the way the particular individual walks. If someone is walking with slouched back and if they have "no optimism" written all over the very basic act of walking, then somewhere that individual is lacking confidence in one area or another.
Secondly, the very obvious sign to me would be struggling to maintain eye contact in a conversation with one or more individuals. This is such an important part of conversing with people, that is to have eye contact with people. Somehow when someone lacks to do this, it is because that person either has something to hide or they truly don't want to show you the real part of them, and that is the depths of the human soul.
What are the other signs you would say are signs of lacking in confidence?
Trust me, there is no more reason to hide any more. Be yourself, and love yourself honey.
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