And it leaves me so frustrated and downcast
Blinding my view of things forward, of hope in the distant light
This time insanity had come knocking on my door
And it came to take my strength along with it
So it leaves me in my bed, makes me too drained to be human again
Oh how I long for breakthrough in my mind
How I long for a breakthrough in my situation
As I ponder about such things, I seek for the strength I lost
I draw it from those around me
By just having them be
I wish I was stronger you know
For my family, for the rest of those who depend on me
But there is only so much one can contain
Before the day of terror comes where everything becomes a dark world
It makes me think where are you dad?
Things would have been easier if I knew I was coming home to have to you around
But now I am afraid because I am the strength you were supposed to be
Can I handle the pressure?
What will all this produce?
What if you were here with me? With us?
I would be okay struggling with you on my side
I would not be afraid to go back home
You would have helped in so many regards
All these thoughts flush through my mind
Because I have wondered where you were
The night I sat in my bed
With no hope, with no future
It led me to the brink of insanity
I had to keep busy, because if I had to ponder a day longer
If I had to be concerned one hour later
I would have lost all sense of what it means to be sane
I know You are here with me
And I will not keep silent of my God's praise
But most part of me wished I could touch you and have You hold me for a little while
Just for You to whisper in my ear that everything is going to be fine
That You hold my world in your hands
But I feel like my world is crashing down
You said there is a hope
But I feel more hopeless now than to the people I said there was hope to
I smile, I laugh
But inside my heart it is winter
And the storm rages and the voice of depression comes creeping in the night
When it is all just me and my candle
I hold on to the demonstrated light, even in my darkness
Come near
And keep me sane oh God
I ask myself, "When will all this end?
When will we stop running?"
You promised a good plan
Help me believe and see
Help me persevere to see that plan fulfilled
I do this not just for myself
But for those who depend on me
Help me God
Take me to the end of this fire
Holding my hand
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