I miss you

I remember the night we met, there was a connection instantly. It was like a line drawn from my eyes to yours and we didn't have to explain a thing.

I remember being so scared to fall in love with you, because I knew if I fell for you I would fall hard. I fell anyway. I thought to myself, "But how can someone so beautiful love someone like me?". Surely there is better for you, and maybe more matured and your age. I felt insecure and somehow because of a third party's deceptive words, got a void between us in some way. I started not to trust you, because I knew I was in your control. You had me around your finger, like putty in your hands. I was so vulnerable, it became unbearable. Every second of the days I would not see you it felt like I was dying. And when I did see you I would anxiously watch the clock because I knew time was ticking. You had me, you still do... But I am still afraid though, because vulnerability breaks me. But I still wished I was yours and that you were mine.

Remember the day I cried in the train? I had a premonition that we would not be together for long. We never really dated, so I cannot say you an ex, but you were a lover. I don't think you understood the emotion in my heart. Still till today whenever I hear that specific Alicia Keys album and some Usher or Beyonce songs, I get this feeling!

I remember the last day we saw each other on that train station. We exchanged words of pain and I saw something in your eyes I have not seen before. Then you left.. No words, no exchange. But we tried to see each other again..

Memories with you were beautiful but short. Your sweet soul and fiesty words. Your eyes. Your lips. I fell in love with all of you. But I felt intimidated by your beauty. I didn't feel like I satisfied your drive for love. I didn't know what you really wanted.

You put me in a place of a loss for words. Whenever I see you, it can be years later, you would still make my heart race. Maybe in the first few seconds if you felt my beat you would know. Maybe that is why I couldn't really respond to your questions,  because I was head over hills. We don't think straight when we are like that.

So now we talking again, and I realised how much I missed you. I tried to fight the thoughts because i thought you were angry. I just want to see you and look into your face. Your heart is so beautiful and I miss your smile.

I wish forever was available with you. I don't expect anything in return, but just know that I miss you so much.