Daddy issues

It is the brink of winter here in Cape Town, and it feels like my heart has a winter well stored up. Icy cold, vulnerable place with muddy puddles and all.

Today I am really missing my dad. Now I have seen him a few weeks ago, maybe just over a month, but that's not enough for my addictive heart. Maybe I just wished that I had a stable home, just wished that he had stayed and fought for what was right. But then death came like a sly wind in the room.

I think about the regrets of my life, I think about the choices that I have made. No one knows.
It is a dark place.

And I wonder how it would have been if the foundation of my childhood was not corrupted.

Now I have to fend for myself, for my family, which I don't mind, but it is killing me softly.. At the same time it is building such character. I had to be an adult at a very young age, had to adapt to the 'big' life before I even turned 21. So here I am now 21, trying to figure me out for a change. Yes all this makes a story, a testimony. One heck of a testimony! But I would run along side those I was born with to avoid them running into the same ditches of hurt I had tried to find comfort in.

So I'd sacrifice my very life for my 2 sisters, just so they could have the best that could be offered. Even to my other siblings who had come into this world after us.

I often wonder what Abba Father would do with my generation who are living without their daddies? Yes God can be my Father, He can fill that void that this generation longs for, but there is a fundamental role an earthly father plays in the child or children's lives. It cannot be explained. It is a foundation thing. Once you out of that foundation season, you are messed or whole depending if your dad played an active role in your life.

Abba, Daddy God still offers healing and restoration. Even though hopelessness stares us deep in the face with burdens on our backs, scars in our faces and cuts on our arms!

We never knew we were worth it, we never could accept it.

But His eyes flames with fire for His children, He desires to see us whole, the way He intended when He created us before sin destroyed the hope in our eyes.