The last year and a half has been a beautiful, yet terrifying experience. It was like I was living my life with a lid on top, suppressing all I was in a contained space, but then all of that stopped. At the bursting of my need to be true to myself, I have come to experience the authenticity of who I really was. This was really overwhelming as it felt like everything I was was too much. At times I would literally wonder why I was created the way I was and with all these intense emotion. Then there were times I really wished I died, because the world in me was fighting with the world we live in - and this became tiring.
But I thank God for friends and family who can walk you through the terror of the night and the wars of your soul. Both people close and dear to my heart and people who are family have really stood alongside me and said, "I am here. Everything is going to be okay". Sometimes these are the simplest, but the most profound statements you can tell someone. Some have said it and some have displayed it.
I do not know what this next year holds for me, good and bad. This last year has been a hectic experience. I changed jobs, I moved out of my mother's home, I had to form a new living routine. All this comes with emotional changes and desires that I cannot always contain. Through it all, I am so grateful to God for being so amazing to me. He is the One who holds me together. I cannot do it without Him.
Today I want to appreciate all those who have taken out the time to walk with me. To my inner circle, you have been my rock and my peace in the storm. I have experienced so much emotion within this circle. There were so many things I needed to deal with, so many issues I needed to face. So much truth to behold and speak out boldly. It was and still is a learning process.
To all the River Family, my family and my territory. You have been God's voice in the misty days. You have been the joy I was looking for. It is an amazing feeling when you know that there will always be someone to give you what you need. This is home for me. It is truly a place where I do not feel judged to voice my heart.
To all my loved ones and friends. You all play a special part in my life. Some have really crept into the depths of me. I believe that there is so much more in humanity, and that we really do not know all that lies in a human being, but it is beautiful to discover.
If I must be honest, I have fears about the future. Some of you might be ready to pop me a text after reading this statement, but to be honest, I do not think you would understand. My fears go beyond the normal fears people face about the future. In this regard, I ask for your prayers. I do know God will never leave, so that comforts me somewhat.
Here is to my year 24. May God be with me through it all.
23 June 2017 (Birthday)
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